HUMOR FOR LEXIPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS)

1. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
2. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
3. A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. He said I was average - but he was just being mean.
6. Math teachers have lots of problems.
7. It wasn't school John disliked it was just the principal of it.
8. He wears glasses during math because it improves divison.
9. I've failed the mathematics test so many times I lost count.
10. When the electricity went off during a storm at a school the students were de-lighted.
11. What did the triangle say to the circle? You're so pointless.
12. Skipping school to bungee jump will get you suspended.
13. I'm bad at math, so the equation 2n+2n is 4n to me.
14. Decimals have a point.
15. When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
16. I always prayed before my trigonometry tests. I was hoping for a sine from above.
17. Mathematics teachers call retirement 'the aftermath'.
18. Little Jimmy told his teacher he never saw a humming bird but he had watched a spelling bee.
19. Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded.
20. We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
21. Studying fungus is a way to mold young minds.
22. Old math teachers never die, they just become irrational.
23. We're not getting anywhere in geometry class. It feels like we're going in circles.
24. A small boy went to the counter to pay for his lunch but he was a little short.
25. Sometimes a pencil sharpener is needed in order to make a good point.
26. He became a math teacher due to some prime factors.
27. On the shelf there are ten math books, five geography books, and the rest is history.
28. The answers for the geology test were written in stone.
29. The girls swim team has a new coach who acts like she knows everything. Her name is Claire Buoyant.
30. His qualifications as a math teacher didn't add up.
31. The arrogant math teacher finally ate a slice of humble pi.
32. In equations with square numbers I can never find the root of the problem.
33. Only the squares are doing well in geometry class. It's their area.
34. A student limped into class with a lame excuse.
35. The math teacher was a good dancer - he had algorithm.
36. The science teachers broke up because there was no chemistry between them.
37. The English Teacher felt odd after being fired: it was post-grammatic stress disorder.
38. The man who bought too much graphing paper didn't know where to draw the line.
39. His penmanship is certainly nothing to write home about.
40. Our social studies teacher says that her globe means the world to her.
41. The calculus teacher tried to keep his students on task, but the class discussion kept going off on tangents.
42. Eating too many snacks when studying for a test is called cramming.
43. Old school principals never die, they just lose their faculties.
44. I met a math professor who has 12 children - she really knows how to multiply.
45. When she made Mario Puzo's books required reading for her class, she made him an author they couldn't refuse.
46. Teaching history is old news.
47. The number 10210 is too intense.
48. Two friends took ropes to school so that they could skip out.
49. Old teachers never die they just lose their class.
50. The students on the top floor of the school were upper class.
51. Math class is full of drama. There are so many problems to work out.
52. The teacher asked a question and the students were all up in arms.
53. Retired teachers are classless.
54. I need to do my philosophy homework but I just Kant.
55. An English teacher, who was dreadfully afraid of insects,while on a picnic screamed like a little girl when he saw there was an antonym.
56. Why did the Latin student end up being a bachelor? Because every time he was asked to conjugate, he declined.
57. Some students concentrate lesson history and moron themselves.
58. Throwing trash on the street is litter-ly illegal.
59. A bartender was summoned to court with a subpoena colada.
60. English teachers can keep a class Spell bound.
61. The school had a door made of iron. That was why it was called the school of hard knocks.
62. A teacher used his index finger to ask a lot of pointed questions.
63. A not-very-good art teacher was good only at drawing blank faces.
64. When you use glue in class it paste to be careful.
65. The math teacher was an exponent of his own powers.
66. A lawyer was defending a math teacher. He had to sum up.
67. A teacher having a tough time longs for the end of the school daze.
68. I stink at fractions. I'm not half as good as the class.
69. The first order of priority in hiring math majors is get them to sine on the dotted line
70. He was late for school until a spider dropped on his ankle and then he decided to shake a leg.
71. Finding area is an integral part of calculus.
72. Those with scissors shouldn't use cutting words.
73. Using fingers to count is a digit-al calculator.
74. He dressed poorly in grade eight. The next year he dressed to the nines.
75. Teachers' hands are usually chalk-full.
76. The sign language teacher was very good with her hands.
77. He asked his teacher if rust came from rot iron.
78. The boy's guitar teacher helped him pick up his skills.
79. I raised my intelligence using my cranium.